Acceptance

 6 Years ago today at this time I would have been sitting in a classroom with over 100 inmates listening to a counselor teach. One day he asked us all to raise our hands if we said that we accept ourselves and who we are… Not a single hand went into the air. Why would someone who was locked up think that they should just accept their situation and the decisions they’ve made to get them wearing orange jumpsuits. He went around the room and people gave answers to why they didn’t accept themselves. Most of them had to do with the decisions they had made. We spent hours fighting the words he spoke to us mentally and did essays and worksheets to understand the concept of acceptance. The next day I was in therapy and I spoke to the therapist about it. I told her my counselor stated to me, Stephen, you don’t have to like what you’ve done or where you are at, but can you accept it? Can you just sit and breathe and say “I accept who I am, where I am." To me this felt like some sort of admission of guilt or just saying I am broken. I was terribly wrong.

This concept made even more sense as I learned about how to properly apologize. The problem with people and saying sorry comes in a couple of forms. First, they tend to only be sorry because they felt guilt for what they have done and not sorry for the actions they have committed against someone else. A lot of “Sorry” also come with strings attached. They are looking for absolution from the other person instead of humbling themselves and simply accepting they are simply wrong. The last major piece is that they say sorry and then follow it up with a “But.” Have you ever heard an apology that sounded sincere and then they say, “But if you weren’t rude to me, I wouldn’t have done this.” Whenever there is a but after an apology it nullifies the sincerity and removes true accountability from the person and acceptance of what they’ve done to have the other person share in the responsibility of the issue. They struggle with acceptance of their actions.

Acceptance is something you do regardless of how things make you feel. Your actions and feelings are NOT the same. Something can make you feel bad, but can you accept what has happened? Where you are in your wellness journey is most likely not where you want to be. You may be struggling with health issues or struggling with weight. The main thing is to understand that acceptance and complacent are not the same thing. Complacent means feeling so satisfied with your own abilities or situation that you feel you do not need to try any harder. Acceptance in this situation means you are NOT satisfied and are actively working to make changes, but you are aware of the situation.

With that understanding I pose this question to you again… Do you accept where you are currently? You don’t have to like it, you don’t have to be satisfied or complacent, but can you accept it? Are you aware of what needs to change? Are you mindful enough to seek assistance in making the adjustments you need to make? If you are constantly thinking everything is okay and you can’t accept where you are truly, you are living in a state of wellness delusion and this is dangerous.

Wellness Task of the Month

Find time to sit for 10 mins in the quiet and just breathe, try not to focus on too much of one thing. After sitting for 10 minutes begin to ask yourself where are you now and where are you looking to go. What are the things you want to accomplish? The person you are now, is that someone who can complete those tasks. You may need to adjust your mindset and your identity around certain parts of you to make these changes. I created the Fasting Identity Guide to help you with all of these questions.

If you can learn to accept yourself, this will increase awareness of what you do well and what you need to work on. At that point major changes can begin to take place.