Facts do not need to control your emotions

In this week’s article I want to share a story from my recent vacation and how I managed some negative emotions and how just going with the flow allowed me to help some of those close to my life positively.

Can I vent for a second? I just got home today after what was supposed to be a 4-day vacation at the gorgeous beach of Ocean City Maryland. The flight out was wonderful and everything went smoothly and according to plan until about 2 days into the trip… There was a hurricane coming up through Florida that wreaked havoc on the southeastern seaboard of the country and flooded areas displacing multiple families. This storm continued up the East Coast causing flooding, high winds, tornados, and heavy rains for many states. Needless to say my heart went out to the people that have been affected by that storm.

I get an email alert that my flight has been placed on standby and essentially I had 2 options, to continue the trip as planned which would land me possibly in a 48 hr standby phase at the airport or I could extend my trip with family on vacation and go home 2 days later. I struggled with the decision for multiple reasons including the cost of the extension, the time spent away from home and missing important work events, the negative impact of food due to traveling, and having extremely limited healthy options. I made the decision to “Bite the bullet” and extend my trip… Without going into detail as adults I am sure you can imagine the different headaches that can arise from having a set trip schedule and then last minute changing from a 4-day trip to now a 7-day trip. The extension of the price of a rental car, going from 1 Airbnb to staying in 3 additional hotels with 4 total rooms, The food costs, and the energy cost associated with traveling and so much more.

By now you probably have had the thought “Well I’m sure it wasn’t all bad”. You would be correct in that assessment. I am simply laying out the facts so that you can see the stark contrast of the difference between what is a fact and what we feel.

Events that happen to us are all products of the decisions that at some point we have made. I was really beginning to get upset about my flight being canceled and I sat outside on the back porch of the Airbnb overlooking the river and the boats in front of me and started to do some deep breathing. I began to say “Theres no one to blame here for this and all of what is happening is due to the decisions you made.” I picked the time and date of the trip, I planned the location and accommodations of the trip, I picked the car, the hotels, the food literally everything was in the control of myself. I then began to simply let it all go… Let go of the frustration, let go of any underlying annoyance let go of the what ifs, let go of the thought of the financial strain. At the end of the day nothing can be done, so why would I let the facts affect my feelings in a negative way and potentially make things worse? There are very few times when getting mad or upset or nasty in situations where things don’t go according to plan will help things. Quite the opposite actually things usually get worse!

Like a rush of fresh air, I opened my eyes after practicing some of my coping skills knowing I was in an emotionally dangerous situation for myself and I felt so much better. I simply went into planning and scheduling mode and made sure my family was taken care of. I made sure things would go smoothly and no one would know the stress or amount of mental gymnastics I was going through. When stress permeates through a household it rolls downhill. It begins with me and trickles down to my Gf, and then it begins to affect the kids, and the entire trip can get tainted and ruin the memories we’ve created simply due to some inconveniences

I ended up having some of the most amazing conversations and teaching moments with all of my children. We built deeper bonds and learned more about each other. I got to spend more time which we understand is the most valuable thing that we have. The trip ended up being so amazing and after everyone had been taken care of and gone home. I lay in my last hotel room in tears from the entire experience. I was overcome with sadness and joy from the time I was able to invest in my family.

What does all of this mean? What am I trying to get you to take away from this? There’s a couple of conclusions you can draw from this. How to manage emotions in a stressful situation using coping mechanisms, how to look at the bright side of any situation, facts do not need to dictate your emotions… I may have misled you a bit with the title of this article but it’s really about how life can move you into different positions for a reason and you never know why…

If you’ve ever heard of my story you know I had the death of my best friend happen and caused me to drink myself crazy, it landed me in major legal trouble. During this trip, because I had to extend it, my friend had an entire party in remembrance of his death. Most of my best friends and brothers were in attendance, Some of them I have not seen in over 5 years. Relationships were mended, bonds rebuilt, and I was able to have deep conversations that I pray were extremely impactful. I also saw another old roommate who is dealing with some major thyroid issues and I sat and spoke to her and 3 of her family members about health and prayerfully gave them some major guidance they were not getting from their doctors.

I came to the realization that I was intentionally not supposed to be on that flight home. I made some splashes in some of those closest to me that I pray will cause ripples to rumble through their lives in a positive way. We never know why things happen in the moments they happen. We never know how things will go when things appear to be moving in the wrong direction. What I do know is this… When things go wrong there is absolutely no benefit in allowing negative emotions to take over and dictate how things progress. You may be in a situation for a reason and if you do not fulfill that reason you will potentially miss something very positive and beneficial to you because you decided to let a “Bad mood” get in the way.